Thank you all for your sweet e-mails and prayers...they are so very appreciated and needed right now :)
The MRI results have come in and they don't sound so good. (But we know the Lord can do all things...even fix a puny thing like a back ;)
My L4-L5 disc is herniated, and my L5-S1 is ruptured with a fragment bulging into my spinal column. It may have done some damage to my sciatic nerve and that's why there is severe pain and numbness from my low back/hip down my leg into my foot. I was referred to a neurosurgeon who has said that I will need surgery but also need to get into physical therapy as soon as possible (supposedly they will re-teach me how to make everyday movements...like getting out of bed etc.) I start the PT tomorrow.
The Lord has definitely been working on me through all of this. It's very easy to have a servants heart and do for others....it's very hard to let others have a servants heart and do for you.
A week and a half ago, I actually started getting kind of depressed. I couldn't do what I wanted to do every day..couldn't take care of my hubby or kids the way I wanted etc. I couldn't take care of my home or gardens...How was I going to can/freeze veggies for the winter?
The Lord is showing me what my real priorities need to be....and it's not a home that is pristine and clean!
I've started a Joy Journal, and every evening, I write at least one thing that brought joy to me in that day. Initially it was a way to not let the blues take over and to be completely honest, when I was in extreme pain, it was embarrassingly hard to think of things to write. :(
Our wonderfully Lord carried me through and forgave me for those negative thoughts ;)
It's now VERY easy! Every night before bed, I write out the blessings of that day that have brought me joy. I try hard to keep any negative thoughts right out of it. There will be a day that I start feeling the blues again (we all do..even if it's hormonal) and I can't wait to go back and read all those pages of blessings! :o) Each day ends with "Thank You Lord!!"
There was one day I had gone to the store with my family...which my husband normally didn't allow me to do but I needed a new watch and he wanted me to pick it out. Previously I had used those little motorized buggies in the store, but on that day they were all being used. They had a wheel chair with basket that I could use and my wonderful hubby said he would push me through the store. By the time we left the store, I was in such severe pain I was in tears. My little boy came over to me and said "I know just what you need to make the hurting go away Mama...you need an Adam hug" and he gave me one of those monkey hugs that only little 4 year old's can give. That was a moment of pure joy and I don't ever want to forget the blessing of those little monkey arms!
Thank You Lord!!
You all are one of those many blessings....thank you so much :o)